


The Trouble with Kittens

by sobsister



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-18
Updated: 2010-03-18
Packaged: 2017-10-08 02:06:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/71582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sobsister/pseuds/sobsister
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What really happened to Miss Kitty Fantastico? Silliness. (Violence to kittens is alluded to, and it's v. inappropriate.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Trouble with Kittens

The problem with kittens was they all looked alike.

The other problem with kittens was that they were sometimes owned by and thus objects of considerable emotional attachment for people who could swat you off the face of the planet like a cheeto off a couch.

All this was a problem because Clem had accidentally eaten the wrong kitten. Clem had eaten Miss Kitty Fantastico.

Feeling guilty, and also scared that Buffy might kill him, he went to Dawn. They hatched a plot - actually, they came up with an excuse - that would prevent his untimely death at Willow or Buffy’s hands. It was very elaborate and complex, and at first involved an evil laundry chute until they realised Dawn’s house didn’t _have_ a laundry chute (Clem had been watching _As Good as it Gets_ on Spike's cable).

Eventually, they came up with a garbage truck, a hellhound and a freak tornado, which Dawn demonstrated with a tiny orange dreidel. The crypt had charts all over and little monopoly models representing the key players, with one of those Kitty in My Pocket toys playing Miss Kitty.

Just as they finished memorising their speeches (“Tragic News everyone!” “Which in no way involves Clem, at all!”), Buffy walked in and Clem panicked. He forgot his lines until Dawn got so uncomfortable with the silence that she blurted “I killed Miss Kitty with the crossbow."

She never told anyone, ever, and when Xander put a cloth over her face, the only thing she could think was "Oh god, how did he find out?"


End file.
